Tuesday, August 24th, 2004
|
|
12:38 am - i'm sorry.
|
this life is over
and i'll find me another one.
those who matter,
follow.
current mood: the thing that made life worth
current music: continuing was what made it worth ending.
|
|
|
|
Saturday, August 21st, 2004
|
|
10:55 pm - job 10, and lack thereof
|
( remember? )
is it possible for me to be lovesick?
walking around like i lost my best friend.
hello, friend.
reese helped me...
just pretend you're in love with
what's his name
keep me busy,
will you?
current mood: you stayed by going away.
current music: please do anything but forget me.
|
|
|
|
Friday, August 20th, 2004
|
|
4:03 pm - do i listen to pop music because i'm sad, or am i sad because i listen to pop music
|
my room is so rich
of me. and you.
all of you.
i have great reflexes.
i caught the glass
with the back of my arm.
of course,
i'm the klutz who set it on the edge
and bumped it off
in the first place.
current mood: i'll know her face
current music: a mile away
|
|
|
|
Wednesday, August 18th, 2004
|
|
8:32 pm - it must be the hair...
|
this sort of thing
rarely happens to an old woman like me.
the fact that you love something
so ugly
reveals the beauty in you,
dear gawain.
if i could be your lorie in another world
so much my luck.
from a trip to the sal
donating my mom's things
given to her by someone else
who was given them by another
the red truck ran parallel and honked.
i admit;
they were lookers.
looking at me.
i won't lie;
i laughed embarrased
when he said that i was pretty
when he asked if i had a man.
i told them i was too boring for him
and waved his cell phone away
without my number.
brown skin
dark hair;
caleb,
you're following me.
i almost wanted to bust out the 7 digits
just to hear your voice.
current mood: and you can't function
current music: if someone decides who you are
|
|
|
|
|
2:13 am - i'm thinking of recanting.
|
a policeman yelled at me
for walking and reading
at the same time.
but the librarian has a sweet smile.
there are so many things i want to tell you.
every time i open my closet,
it's a new adventure.
i'm trying not to be empty,
and knowing that you are full
helps.
current mood: the sprinklers arching
current music: in the rain
|
|
|
|
Monday, August 16th, 2004
|
|
9:12 am
|
they are cutting down the trees.
current mood: i found a bit of my heart
current music: in the michigan dirt
|
|
|
|
Sunday, August 15th, 2004
|
|
9:30 pm - i hear lunar plots are 20 bucks an acre. and while i'm at it, i'll buy you a star.
|
it's gage's
particular mood.
when i am fire and he
is gasoline.
i embarrased him by telling him so
(i love you)
beautiful smile
rubbing his eyes and hiding his face
in his lap while i scratch his back--
you are my favorite boy in michigan!
...in the midwest!
careful not to lie...
..in the world!
and gage said,
yeah,
and then there's that guy who lives
on the moon...
and i
said
yes.
current mood: it's not easy to say the word
current music: "east" slowly, but i did.
|
|
|
|
|
12:11 am - this is why i never write normally here about my day.
|
on the answering machine i said, rentz, i went for a walk; everyone else, start talking, and so i left, reading let’s all kill constance and feeling very much alive. ( .words. )
current mood: i finally got myself out-of-
current music: doors, and now look what happens.
|
|
|
|
Saturday, August 14th, 2004
|
|
11:46 am - rubber bands going postal!
|
it waits
on my carpet
purring.
i'm going to see him
and you're not.
stupid cardboard.
but it knows i'll
send it anyway.
lightweight
and square,
don't you
wish you
were lightweight
and square?
current mood: i was early. so i sat.
current music: and drew more pictures on my steering wheel.
|
|
|
|
Friday, August 13th, 2004
|
|
11:11 am
|
Were you the one, I thought... who cut her hamstrings with your sword, so she couldn't walk for a year?
-death is a lonely business
current mood: a toothless kind of death
current music: the poison that makes a man die happily
|
|
|
|
Thursday, August 12th, 2004
|
|
9:51 pm - bradbury says a day without writing is like a death. i believe him.
|
i'm tired of being alone
and moving away or pushing away
the ones who love me.
I grabbed his hand and almost broke every bone in it, gasping. Then I called Mexico.
"Peg!"
"Who is this?"
"It's me, me!"
"My God, you sound so strange, so far away."
"I am far away."
"You're alive, thank God."
...
"How's Mexico City?...Lord, it's good to hear your voice."
"Say something."
I said something.
"Say it again!"
"Why are you shouting, Peg?"
"I don't know. Yes, I do...Do you remember my face?" she said suddenly.
"What?"
"You do remember it, don't you, because, God, just an hour ago this terrible, horrible thing happened, I couldn't remember yours, or the color of your eyes, and I realized what a dumb fool I was not to bring your picture along, and it was all gone. That scares me, to think I could forget. You'll never forget me, will you?"
I didn't tell her I had forgotten the color of her eyes just the day before and how that had shaken me for an hour and that it was a kind of death but me not being able to figure who had died first, Peg or me.
"Does my voice help?"
"Yes."
"Am I there with you? Do you see my eyes?"
"Yes...I should never have come down here and left you alone up there, unprotected."
...
"Can love protect people, Peg?"
"It must. If it doesn't protect you, I'll never forgive God. Let's keep talking. As long as we talk, love's there and you're okay...I hate to hang up and I just want this to go on all day and I know it's costing you a mint. Say some more, the things I want to hear."
I said some more.
And she was gone
from death is a lonely business, one of the weirdest books i have ever picked up. and yet, there you go.
current mood: side A, you get to sing with
current music: me
|
|
|
|
|
9:08 am - but your memory is here and i'd like it to stay. warm light. on a winter's day.
|
inside your claustrophobic four white walls
and huddled between the mattress and the
comfort of your hand (on my hair)
joy in the suffocation of
a room bereft of oxygen
and full of you.
i have no fingers to turn the handle
no eye for the writing on the wall
but i am cluttering the closet and shelves
devoid of emptiness
and full for you
current mood: i didn't want to get up
current music: today because i didn't want to experience life without you.
|
|
|
|
Tuesday, August 10th, 2004
|
|
1:20 pm - it's hard to do anything that isn't lazy
|
it's a wild night
a wake-up night
a night to be blown off course
with you our long hairs whipping our faces
holding hands at home between the palms
a flashing night
a forked night
a daylight night
a plosh splash and crash night
a thrashing smashing dashing night
dancing in the slashing rain
holding hands with you
swinging arms with you
moving lakes of water with my shoe
drowning in holy water from heaven
with you drinking fallen clouds eating
cups of rain with you
holding hands and pelted with
angry stinging water droplets
faces crying joy
a wild night
a wake-up night
a night to be blown off course
with you
current mood: but you weren't
current music: really there
|
|
|
|
Saturday, August 7th, 2004
|
|
5:45 am - he said
|
|
"why does loving you feel like banging my head against a wall?"
|
|
|
|
Friday, August 6th, 2004
|
|
5:25 pm - the vampires want your blood!
|
hey, if i saw my phone bill
i'd hate to see yours.
maybe we should regroup and
attack from another angle.
today i insured my life.
i tend to think this is a waste
of money.
light up, light up
as if you have a choice
the police took away the device that told
us how fast we could run.
i live too much in the past
which is a fun place to be,
dear photographs.
we used to be so young.
i feel like a writer.
and my fingers look so much better
naked.
current mood: (make a face like you mean it)
current music: the classy monster mix
|
|
|
|
Thursday, August 5th, 2004
|
|
10:49 am - he hit his head with a book. as usual.
|
i didn't realize how much
i annoyed you.
(i don't know how you can love me.)
girl next door falls down the stairs
the stars are in her hair
(he doesn't.)
pray i keep my fool mouth
shut.
current mood: congratulations;
current music: you make me feel alone.
|
|
|
|
Sunday, August 1st, 2004
|
|
9:16 pm
|
i wish i had what i needed
to be on my own
because I feel so defeated
and i'm feeling alone
and it all seems so helpless
and i have no plans
i'm a plane in the sunset
with nowhere to land
and all i see
it could never make me happy
and all my sand castles
spend their time collapsing
let me know that You hear me
let me know Your touch
let me know that You love me
and let that be enough
it's my birthday tomorrow
no one here could know
i was born this [saturday]
22 years ago
and I feel stuck
watching history repeating
yeah, who am i?
just a kid who knows he's needy
let me know that You hear me
let me know Your touch
let me know that You love me
and let that be enough --switchfoot
current mood: i look very good
current music: in a diamond
|
|
|
|
Friday, July 30th, 2004
|
|
9:17 pm - open ferociously with a yawn
|
this is a new story.
he said he needed a girl to feel complete
i wish i could be a puzzle piece for everybody
current mood: if you go,
current music: everything will break.
|
|
|
|
Thursday, July 29th, 2004
|
|
12:18 am
|
the writing on my leg doesn't cut deep enough
it doesn't penetrate my blood
or make me something other than i am
carving over and over
she must
and shall
go free
current mood: it's good
current music: to have options
|
|
|
|
Tuesday, July 27th, 2004
|
|
2:04 pm - i'm home.
|
to hold her in my arms against the twilight and be her comrade for ever-- this was all i wanted so long as my life should last... And this, i told myself with a kind of wonder, this was what love was: this consecration, this curious uplifting, this sudden inexplicable joy, and this intolerable pain. --quote by an unknown author from A Severe Mercy
current mood: lack of pies
current music: pack of lies
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
dirty_socks's journal